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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How can I recover from relationship traumas?

    Related Topics
    Anxiety Depression Mental Health
    I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years and 2 months. He chased me and told me he also wanted a serious relationship and would care for me. Not long after we got together I found out he had a long history of chasing and sleeping with different women for a couple of years. He has an addiction to that. Deep depression and anxiety. He was on dating sites chatting with women all the time. He went on dates with other women. He went for dodgy massages. He was cranky, bossed me around and criticized me for my clothes and makeup, etc. I don't know why I stayed with him. Probably lonely and also became emotionally attached over time. He kept drifting away but everytime when I decided to leave he'd beg for forgiveness and pull me back. Now I feel very damaged mentally. I find it very hard to be happy. Whenever I think about how he mistreated me I get very upset and angry. I don't know how to get over it and let go and start over. Can't stop feeling sorry for myself. What can I do? Thanks.
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    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    I agree with the comments made above - you have been in an abusive relationship, you are experiencing some understandable reactions to that, and may benefit from speaking to a counsellor in order to process and work through your emotional responses. It sounds like you may be trying to come to terms with your own vulnerability - the part of you that stayed witn a man who mistreated you. Without in any way taking responsibility for the way you were treated, it may be important for you to think about how you may better recognise the warning signs in future that someone has the potential to be abusive, so you can better protect yourself. Counselling can help you think this through.

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    Michelle Grosvenor

    Psychologist

    Michelle is an experienced Psychologist who provides individual therapy for children, teenagers and adults at Associated Psychology Practice Penrith. She is a registered medicare and … View Profile

    I recommend reading a book called "Facing Heartbreak" by Stephanie Carnes to help you process the emotional trauma and pain related to your former partners behaviour. Speaking to a psychologist may also help you to understand any issues from your past which may have contributed to you staying within the relationship in spite of your partner's repeated boundary violations and deceit. Understanding these issues can help you to recognize warning signs in future relationships. Best wishes, Michelle Grosvenor Psychologist Penrith ph: 4722 3137 

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  • Claire Chen

    HealthShare Member

    Thanks everyone for the reply. I will read the book you recommended. It's a shame that you're not in my area. I'm in Brisbane. Could anyone recommend a good psychologist here who's specialized in relationship issues? I find myself caught up in a dead end right now. I know it's not going anywhere but can't let go and move on.I'm angry with myself for wasting time but still hoping things will work out with this guy. This turned into more pain for me. I'm stuck atm.

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    Michelle Grosvenor

    Psychologist

    Michelle is an experienced Psychologist who provides individual therapy for children, teenagers and adults at Associated Psychology Practice Penrith. She is a registered medicare and … View Profile

    Unfortunately I don't know any Brisbane based psychologists. But I do know a Sydney  based psychotherapist named Sharalyn Drayton from Arise Counselling who offers sessions via skype. Sharalyn has a lot experience working with partners of people who act out sexually and she is very compassionate. 

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