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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Lover is depressed and pushing me away - what can I do?

    Related Topics
    Depression Mental Health Relationships
    I have been close friends with a guy for many years now and we always had a connection but nothing happened because he was living with someone else. Recently he has left their home and we have decided we will give it a go. But he has now hit major depression with everything going on in his life. He is currently living between friends homes, work is getting to him and he is having a hard time trying to keep his ex happy so he can see the kids. I have managed to speak to him and get him to open up with how he is feeling. We had a talk and I told him that no matter how down he was I would stay with him to help him. We're in it together. He has been to the GP but won't take the medication because he's too proud. He now keeps telling me that he's done with everything and can't find a way out. He says he's fed up bringing me down with his depression... I love him and want him to get better so that we can enjoy life but he's pushing me out. What do I do?
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    Thanks

    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    It's great that you have let your partner know that no matter how down he is, you are in this with him. Because you matter to him so much, you may also need to let him know (gently!) how his depression is affecting you and the relationship, and that his decision to not take medication has had an impact. Other supports to know about - your partner may not know that he can access psychological support as well as medication - this is where a GP can refer him to a psychologist to learn about strategies for understanding and managing depression. Usually this is required, often in addition to medication, for successful treatment. Most of the costs will be covered by Medicare for these sessions. I am concerned that your partner is saying he is done with everything and can't find a way out - if he is having suicidal thoughts this is a serious issue and may mean that his depression is worsening. If you think this may be the case, strongly encourage him to revisit his GP, or to ring support services where he can receive assistance such as Beyond Blue or Suicide Helpline. Both these services have support for family and friends as well - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/family-and-friends/caring-for-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

    http://suicideline.org.au

    Both offer online counselling as well as telephone support.

    All the best

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