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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
What I need to do to move on from broken marriage with kids
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I caught my husband cheating on me with girl used to work with us 3.5 years ago. I now have my own house with our 3 kids. He's over 6 nights a week for few hours and stays 2 nights at mine but rarely take boys to his which is 30 miles away. We do get on ok and have family days out together with boys but I feel like I can't move on cause he's there in my home all the time, and he's not always there to help with kids. He's often on the phone. He still works with this girl and I often see pics on social sites and it still upsets me that she's around and shes taken my job as well as my hubby and house.. so i feel tge need to avoid it to move on. But I don't know what to do to move on. I want to have less contact with him in my home as he's already made his bed few years ago but coz he lives that far away and my home is closer to his work and kids school.. it makes sense that he pops into my house. But it means I've no life.. I feel like he's having his cake while I'm still stuck. This really gets me down.. too often.. I feel like he's still having his cake and while I'm still having to put up with him altho we have split. I feel I cannot go out and socialise coz he rarely take kids to his.. and i cannot bring people in my home cause he's there as well as my kids. I feel so down and lonely most nights.. I am over the pain of the broken marriage and i do feel the need to go and find someone and get my life back but because I don't know what to do im stuck. I would feel bad and guilty if I don't let the kids dad in my house as he does give me money to help with the kids.. what can I do.. I feel so trapped.. I often think of taking my kids to end it as I see no way through. my kids have stopped me doing terrible things so I don't like to have my kids away too long or often.. Please help!!! -
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Vivienne Colegrove
Counsellor
I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile
It sounds like you are feeling not only stuck, but perhaps torn between the need to move on with your own life and the need to ensure that your kids have an ongoing relationship with their father. Not an easy situation! It is very concerning that you are feeling so desparate that you have thought about hurting yourself - it's important that you take this very seriously and get some help for yourself. Speaking with a counsellor may help you work through how to set some boundaries with your ex and ensure your own needs are net as well as those of your children. A good place to start may be with your GP - he or she can refer you to a psychologist who can help you with strategies for managing your negative feelings and thoughts. You may also want to try connecting on line to Beyond Blue - this will give you information to help you decide whether you are suffering from depression and if so, where to get help. They are at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression. You may also find phone counselling helpful as a starting point - try Lifeline at 13 11 14. All the best.
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