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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How to enjoy motherhood without any other support?

    Related Topics
    Parenting Relationships
    Hi My partner and I have been together for 3 yrs. He's from UK and I am from Taiwan, and we are living in Australia with our 22mths old and 3mths old daughters, so which means we have not got any family here to support us. I just got my De facto visa in Dec 2013 and we just moved down to a new area in Sep 2014. Now my partner started to work away again (he didnt for 6mths coz for the new one) 3wks out and 6days off. I found myself not very enjoying the motherhood for a long while, I tried to do everything on my own even when he was here, I dont think he's not good at looking after kids, just at least if i did it on my own can probably save some baby tears. Now coz he's away most of the time, so Im getting use to our life without him all the time again, and when he comes back we just argued, and becoz he's not being very supprtive to me(not even mentally). I just feel impatient as I got no-one to listen to me..and feeling the motherhood isn't very enjoyable at all, what should I do? Thx
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  • Karen Coleman

    Counsellor, Naturopath

    Hi 

    Parenting is a really hard job and does not always come naturally to everyone. The situation that you described of arguing when your partner returns but being lonely when he is away is also common as relationships do take time and effort to nourish and develop. You both probably have lots of stresses built up inside while apart just waiting with high expectations for the time you are together again. I would really encourage you to connect with someone in your area for support. His company may have an Employee assistance program that either or both of you can connect with for counselling support. There may also be services at your local health centre or advertised though local connections. Times tlike this are normal to need support through, especially when you do not have family nearby. Take care, things can improve.

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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    Wow - that's so hard, to be parenting on your own without any family support. And it sounds like it's hard on both you and your partner that he is working away from home. I think Karen has made some really helpful and practical suggestions, and I would strongly encourage you to reach out for support wherever you can. I wonder if there is a maternal and child health service close to you, who you may have had contact with when your little ones were born? They are often a very good source of information about parent support groups and other community services that you may find helpful.

    We all struggle without support, and the stage of being at home with young children is perhaps the most challenging stage of the 'family life cycle'. Looking after yourself so you can look after your children has to be a priority! 

    All the best.

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  • Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    I agree with the good suggestions above. Sounds really hard to be doing this on your own. Many parents feel just like you do. Are there any neighbourhood centres or local playgroups you can join? What do you enjoy? Can you go for walks to a nice park and take some pleasure from simple things? Many people find motherhood a hard slog and you are not alone. Maybe it's ok to accept that this will pass and will get easier in time. Maybe also it helps to know that some of the hard work of raising children is not enjoyable but very hard work. Thanks for reaching out on this website and I suggest you reach out in your local area and see who else you can speak to. Good luck.

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