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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    My husband cheated on me. How do I move on?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    I found out 2 weeks after my son was born that my husband had cheated on me while I was pregnant and continued to talk to her after his birth. He confessed after I found proof on his phone. He told me details of the affair which I had demanded to know but now I have an image burnt in my head. Some days are great, but on other days, the smallest thing will get me thinking about it again and I lash out at him and get moody. I don't know how to move on without continuing to bring it up over and over again.
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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    There may be some particular work that still needs to be done by your husband to repair the wound that his affair has caused you and your sense of trust in him. Having an affair is a breach of trust - have you had conversations together about how you can 'affair-proof' your relationship in future? Your husband may need to think about what made him vulnerable to having an affair, and how he would handle this differently in future. You might need to discuss together, without excusing what happened, why your relationship was vunerable to an affair at this time, and make sure you have more helpful ways to work through these issues both now and if they come up again in future. For example, if your husband was struggling with feelings about becoming a parent, and what this has meant for changes in your relationship, how did he try to deal with these feelings before he made the choice to become intimate with someone else in order to manage this? If he feels like this again in future - what will he do differently? You may find relationship counselling can be a useful space to work through some of these issues, with the support of a professional who can guide you through the process of rebuilding trust and putting in safeguards to ensure this does not happen again in future. All the best.

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