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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
What can I do about my partner who I can see is being manipulated?
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I have a big problem about my partner. Over the weekend he snapped for no reason twice and this morning he up and left while I was taking our children to school.
Over the years I have been having huge problems with his mother. All she has done is create problem between us to make our relationship a living hell by lying and trying to interfere in our relationship. For the last 6 months my partner behaviour has slowly changed. In that time, we have had big arguments that involved him coming back and trying to tell me things about my life and my childhood that never happened, only to find out that it happened to his mother. He fully believes that it did happened it me. This morning he up and left and moved back with his mother because of all of these lies she has said to him. I know she hates me because I refuse to give her control over me and my life.
What can I do. I am lost. I love my partner very much, I am sick of these lies being said about me to get him to leave me and my children. -
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Vivienne Colegrove
Counsellor
I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile
This sounds like an issue between you and your partner. It's tempting to blame a third person for problems in a relationship, but while this may seem like a reasonable explanation for your distress, it leaves you in a very powerless position. After all, your partner's relationship with his mother belongs to them! What you CAN do is talk to your partner about the impact of his snapping at you and saying things to you that you know are not true. You may even suggest to him that relationship counselling is needed - to have someone help you work through the issues you are having together. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you have little or no control over your partner's mother, what she believes, what she says to your partner, or what your partner chooses to believe. However, letting go of what you can't control frees you up to focus on what you CAN control, and what IS your business - how you and your partner work through issues, communicate and resolve conflict. All the best.
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