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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I stop my relationship from being boring?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    Me and my partner have recently got back together and things are slowly going back to how it was before.

    It's boring, a little bit dull, we just work, get home and neither of us can be bothered doing anything.

    I feel like its slowly tearing us apart.
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  • Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    Why did you get back together? If there is a strong bond then it is possible you just need some assistance from a Couple's Counsellor to help you find the passion and spark. Perhaps you are both avoiding expressing aspects of yourself that would enliven the relatinship. Do you have a friendship that is enjoyable? Do you share goals, dreams and a vision of the future together? These are some aspects you may consider. Couple's counselling can help you have some good conversations to open up aspects that you may not have considered. This in turn can shift the boredom. There are many ideas a Counsellor can offer you. Be playful together, have fun together, nurture your friendship and take some risks together are just a few. All the best.

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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    Relationships take ongoing work to remain in a healthy state - it's important to think about looking after the health of your relationship in the same way you need to maintain your house and tend your garden. 

    As Maggie says, a skilled couples counsellor can help you take an inventory of where your relationship is already strong, and identify the areas where you need to make some changes. John Gottman has conducted extensive research into what makes relationships strong and enduring over the long haul, and has distilled seven key areas that couples need to ensure are working well. These are:-
    1. Keeping an up-to-date ‘love map’ about your partner - that is, knowing about what is important to them.
    2. Nurturing fondness and admiration.
    3. Turn toward each other
    4. Let your partner influence you.
    5. Solve your solvable problems constructively.
    6. Overcome gridlock - that is, have ways to manage unresolvable problems in a way that doesn't cause perpetual conflict.
    7. Create shared meaning about your life and future together.

    For more information about these, check out http://www.yesmagazine.org/pdf/56/56poster.pdf or http://www.gottman.com/shop/7-principles-for-making-marriage-work-2/

    Good luck with it!

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