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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Boyfriend says he's 'lost' what should I do?

    Related Topics
    Depression Mental Health Relationships
    I'll attempt to make a long story short.
    I had been with my partner for app 14 months in Feb.
    I believed the relationship was going well, got on well, had my own keys to his place, he on occasions referred to “our house”, however I was always going to see him, putting pressure on me.

    Brought up the “future” and where we were going and things have completely fallen apart since then.

    Decided to take “a break” in May, but still in contact and see each other once a week. He has gone to see someone regarding him being “lost”, but claims he doesn't know if he loves me or wants to be with me, and can't open up to me and wants to sort himself out.

    I have stuck by him b/cause I love him, and I believe he's a good man and we have a good relationship under all this drama, but should I be staying?
    Or is it best for him to be left alone to sort himself out?

    I'm emotionally exhausted and sick of feeling like a rat running on a wheel and getting nowhere
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    Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    It sounds like a real roller-coaster for you. It does sound like your boyfriend is getting some help and that he needs times and space to become clearer about what he wants. You need to work out what you need to feel better and whether or not that means you continue to see him weekly or not is something you both need to talk about together.

    Meanwhile, you might turn this into an opportunity for you to put some energy and focus into your own life. Do things for yourself and find what you enjoy. You need to replenish yourself and start to feel like you are getting on with your own life regardless of him needing time and space.

    This does not have to mean a total separation so you will have to see how it goes. But in any relationship we have to look after ourselves or we have nothing left to give to our partners and we end up feeling ragged as you do now. Good Luck

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