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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
Why do I feel down/depressed if I have a good life with good people in it?
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I am a single mum to a 5 year old and for as long as I can remember I've felt down. I can recognise that I have a good life, good people around me and an amazing daughter but I still can't connect to the happiness in it. I can function, raise my daughter, go to work, put a smile on my face; yet even the simplest tasks when I'm alone seem impossible. I end up in tears for no reason, and can also snap at the littlest things. I worry that my daughter suffers for it and I don't know what to do. Is this depression? If so, how can I make it stop? -
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Christina Potter
Psychologist
Servicing Children, Adolescents, Families and Adults About Christy Potter Christy is a Psychologist, registered with the Psychology Board of Australia and a Member of the … View Profile
There are many reasons why people feel down or irritable. Some people have a form of depression called melancholic depression, which refers to a biochemical imbalance. Just like diabetes, this is an illness caused by in born biological defficiencies and medication can help restore the balance.
I notice that you said that you feel worse when you are alone - some people are “Extraverts” or naturally social people. These people need social interaction to help them feel grounded and happy. Maybe you need to increase how much interaction you have through the day? Other personality styles or temperaments play a part in how we interact with our experience. For example: some people are naturally “Cup Half Full” people and others are “Cup Half Empty” kind of people.
Another reason some people feel down all the time maybe related to messages or negative ideas a person experienced in childhood and internalised. These ideas stay with them and contribute to their identity or sense of self. For example: the child who was punished for talking in church may internalise the idea that good little girls don't speak up.
We also live in a world where we don't seem to be allowed to have bad feelings and thoughts. We are taught to push them away or control them. Negativity is a natural part of life. Often it is the act of denying these feelings, rather than making space for them that makes us feel bad. Being present to all experiences of living and accepting that as part of the colour of life can help us find peace.
What ever the reason, you will find talking to a therapist, wether it be a counsellor, psychologist or psychotherapist helpful. You do not have to suffer alone or in silence. By asking for help and taking steps to make the most out of life, you will be setting a wonderful example of self-care and self-love for your daughter. Best wishes in your journey.Report this post
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Jennifer Grant
Psychologist
New practice opened Feb 2018. Seewebsite www.coffspsychneuro.com.au I'm passionate about working with people from all walks of life to help them create a more vital, … View Profile
My heart goes out to you. Being a single parent is hard enough as it is, without constantly feeling down. Crying and snapping are normal experiences when they happen occasionally. The guilt and regrets afterwards feel awful. But are still “normal”. When this is happening on most days, then it’s time to seek help.
“Depression” is a funny word. It gets used as a diagnostic category, a way of putting a person in a box so they qualify for medication or publicly subsidised therapy. And perhaps a way of labelling what is really part of the normal human experience.
I don’t know if you have “depression”. There’s a set of diagnostic criteria a medical practitioner can apply to decide whether you have depression or not. I do know you’re feeling miserable. Worried. And alone.
Why are you feeling this way? Probably there’re lots of perfectly rational explanations. None of them really adequate, or reflective of your unique set of circumstances and learning history.
How do you make it stop? My answer: it depends. Feeling sad sometimes is a normal part of being human. We have things (loved ones, work, homes, hope & aspirations), we lose those things, we feel sad about our loss. That’s how life goes. When you feel sad everyday there’s something different going on. I could speculate but that sort of guesswork would be better done in a therapy room between you and a health professional.
Living a life of meaning, vitality and purpose is a work in progress. There’s ups and downs. Maybe you’re off-track, not living a life that gives you sufficient reward, reinforcement and joy. I wonder what’s important to you. What sort of person you want to be. What you want to stand for in this life. Maybe you’re scared. Being alone can be terrifying. There’s so much that can go wrong. Fear, disappointment and stress wear us down. There are excellent psychological therapies that can help stop the downward spiral. I recommend you talk to your GP about whether you might qualify for a Mental Health Treatment Plan and referral to a psychologist. I find Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) effective for depression and irritability. You can find an ACT therapist in the listings at www.actmindfully.com.au
I wish you and daughter well in your search for more joy in your relationship.Report this post
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