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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I make real friends and fit into society with all my past problems?

    Related Topics
    Depression Mental Health
    I am 30 years old now. I have always wanted to seek for help when i felt that i have problems few years back but I feel embarrassed and do not know exactly what are the problems. When i divorced there was a time i was real sad and get drunk every night and take ecstasy, I heard things such as people even my family members criticising me. I have been living alone ever since i divorced 5 years ago and have not been able to see my only son 3 years ago. I was furious. Time passes, now, I think surviving is hard, but its stupid to kill ourself. I always feel that people around me hates me and i always upset people around me. I ask myself, am i stupid but i went to university. I do not trust anyone as i think my last marriage was a scam. Why din't I trust my family? They are just typical selfish business people. You will be glad if they din try to harm you. I feel like i can't fit in to society, i do not have real friends, its hard for me to communicate with people. Tq for your feedback
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    Mariela Occelli

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Mariela Occelli is a Clinical Psychologist with well over 20 years experience in the assessment and treatment of clinical disorders. She has worked in private … View Profile

    It sounds as though you have been deeply hurt throughout your life. Perhaps this unresolved pain is maintaining a ‘victim’ mode, preventing you from developing close, safe and meaningful connections with others. It is interesting that you mention that other people have expressed feeling hurt by you also. Is it possible that the pain you carry inside interfereswith your ability to connect with yourself and to others? What I mean by this is, is it possible that it makes it difficult for you to experience a deep understanding of yourself as well as being able to meaningfully reflect on the experience of others? A good starting point would be to find a way to develop a relationship with yourself, to get to know yourself. However, looking at ourselves in the mirror, willing to see ourselves' warts and all', I believe, is the single most difficult and courageous thing any of us can do. Doing this whilst maintaining a stance of compassion, loving kindness and patience with ourselves can be an enormous challenge and that is where support from a good therapist is indicated. A skilled therapist could help you learn strategies to make your pain more manageable, to develop rewarding relationships and to face life from a stance of agency and hope. You mention that you have toyed with this idea in the past, this tells me that your wisdom says that change is possible.

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    Michelle Linmore

    Counselling Psychologist, Counsellor, Psychologist, Sex Therapist

    Sounds like a great time for a life review.  You seem motivated to make some changes, but confused about exactly how to start.  

    Counselling might be quite helpful for you right now.  For what it is worth, most people feel a bit embarrassed and anxious the first time they reach out for help, but it can also be a huge relief and a starting point for feeling less alone.

    If you decide to see a psychologist or counsellor, there are many things you could do.  You might process some of the grief, pain, anger and hurt from the past. You might clarify your goals and values right now for the next chapter of your life.  You might learn some new skills to help you with communication and help improve your mood (as it sounds like life has got you down a lot).  You might even just experience the relief of feeling less alone and receiving some support.

    Good on you for writing in and taking the first step towards finding help.  Setting your intentions is the first step.  After that there will be some trial and error. If you keep on experimenting with change you will see some difference before long.  All the best.

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