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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
Is seeing all negative due to a depression or my husband?
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After 6 months we got married, 3 ½ years ago. We have 3 children we love so much! He studied, worked and we got residency now. After 10 years of prof. work, never cooked or cleaned, no driver licence, only taxis, I came and ended up at home full-time with children only, full dependency. He tries best, works a lot, own business, a lot of pressure on time & finances. He brought his mom to help us but my feelings did not accepted her. No close friends, I do not speak English very well (he wrote this for me). We love each other. He tries to support me and I try to support him. He says he appreciates all but I do not feel it.
Every word he speaks, every improvement suggestion he gives, every comment I take as an accusation, it makes me upset straight, it get so angry. The emotions control me. I remember only bad moment although I know there were many beautiful moments too, I do not remember them. I get straight angry at him whatever he says.
Can this have a relation to a depression? -
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Kristen Ross
Counsellor, Kinesiologist
Kristen Ross is a qualified Kinesiologist, Counsellor and Sports Therapist.Affinity Wellness is her holistic wellness practice offering a holistic wellness experience by focusing on all … View Profile
Firstly, I want to make it very clear that your depression is not caused by your husband, blaming someone for parts of ourself we dislike or are unhappy with only deflects and causes uneccessary anger and resentment. Even if your relationship is not ideal, you need to take responsibility for yourself look within for the answers to your questions.
It appears as though you have gone through a lot in moving to a new country, it seems as though you are feeling a bit disconnected from your community as you say you haven't met any friends.
There are a number of issues here that need to be addressed and I think would be best addressed by a counsellor or psychologist. I definitely recommend getting some professional help to get you started on your journey towards a more positive way of thinking.
I would also recommend that you look for social groups in your area that you can join so that you can meet new people and start to make the connection that you are seeking.
Best Wishes.
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Vivienne Colegrove
Counsellor
I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile
It certainly sounds like it's possible you may be suffering from depression- and it may be a good idea to go and see your GP as a first step toward psychological and perhaps medical treatment as well. Depression can be caused by a number of things - difficulties in relationships is one possible contributor, but you've also moved to another country and started a new life. You don't say if you have extended family here, or if you are able to maintain close contact with them. Often migrants are dealing with grief about moving away from their family and culture - even where the move was planned and necessary, and something you wanted. There may be some problems in your relationship that need to be talked through with a counsellor too - teasing out whether the anger you're feeling towards your husband is really about what it seems, or whether you're feeling unsupported more generally. Rasing three children is hard work! Most of us rely on a great deal of help to do that - whether from our partner, mother and other family members, or friends.
It sounds like you could really benefit from counselling. Many community services will provide an interpreter so that you can talk to someone in your own language. A place to start may be your local community health centre.
All the best, VivienneReport this post
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Georgina Watts
Counsellor, Psychotherapist
I am passionate about journeying with people on their road to wholeness. I work with males and females who are needing to work on self … View Profile
I agree with the answers above. you have had alot happen in a short time and while depression may be part of what you are feeling there may be other factors such as feeling alone in a strange country, grief for your home country and possiby even family you have left there. It seems your husband is quite supportive of you and would like to help you as much as he can which is great for you.
I know there are psychologists and counsellors who would be able to help you and possibly you would be able to find one who speaks your native language and may understand the culture you have come from as those aspects of your journey will all play a part in how you are feeling. I believe that if you started in personal counselling first you could then talk to your counsellor about whether you need couples counselling just at this time.
please don't leave it here (just the writing of your question) - you need to know that you have done an amazing, courageous thing in moving here with young children. you need to feel good about your contribution to your husbands career, the future you are giving to your children.
Counsellors or psychologists can be found by googling pacfa or apa.
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