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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How can I get my daughter to return following a family fight?

    Related Topics
    Depression Mental Health Parenting
    A family fight broke out last week. Starting over a simple discussion about my daughters boyfriend it ended in me putting my hand through a glass door. My husband has recently had to attend several family funerals, lost his job and also lost his job suddenly. My 17 year old daughter waswooried that my husband did this to me as he has been suffering with stress and depression. Subsequently she has moved out. My husband has seen several councellors and now a physchologist plus his medication has been increased. How can I get my daughter to understand and move back home?
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  • dolphin514

    HealthShare Member

    what do i do on this as i am wanting to help my husband i love him and i don't exspect her to give up her boyfriend i am always nice and everthing the at least she can do is be nice and say hi and bye and thanks dad instead of being so blunt and mean things are said in anger but its a new day she has to stop holding a grudge against him as he is getting help not leaving it like it was

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    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    It sounds like your daughter may be concerned about you and your safety, and that possibly she's feeling that your husband has been abusive towards you. You'd love for her to be able to put this aside and forgive her Dad, but it's unlikely she'll be able to do this easily, until she's convinced that he is able to control his behaviour. It's great that he is getting help for his issues, and I would hope that this help would include gaining an understanding the impact of his behaviour on the family, and repairing the hurt that this may have caused.

    It's possible that family counselling could be beneficial, if your daughter was prepared to attend. Before she is ready to have a discussion about moving back home, your daughter will perhaps need to feel that her perspective and concerns are being heard and treated with respect by you and your husband, and that together you can discuss what changes may need to happen so that you all feel safe - psychologically, emotionally, mentally and physically.

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    Jan Seeley

    Counselling Psychologist, Psychologist

    Jan Seeley is a Counselling Psychologist and a member of the Australian Psychological Society with a Master of Counselling (Psychology). For over 25 years she … View Profile

    I'm sorry to hear your family are going through such a difficult time.  Vivienne made some good points about fears your daughter may have regarding your husbands behaviour towards you.  She would also have been affected by seeing you hurt yourself during the argument.  It is hard for children/adolescence to see their parents seemingly not in control of their emotions.  If your daughter would go with you to family therapy, that could be helpful to you all as a family.  But if this isn't possible, it sounds like both your husband and yourself could benefit from some professional assistance.  If your daughter is in a safe situation, it may help not to put pressure on her but to let her see that you and your husband are making efforts to address the difficulties in your lives.  It may also help you to develop some strategies to work towards your daughter returning to the family home.

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