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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
I dont want to go to couples therapy, what should i do?
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My partner and I have recently been fighting a lot. She thinks we need couples counselling, but I'm not so sure about it. What should I do? -
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Julia Meyerowitz-Katz
Psychotherapist
A Jungian Analyst and Art Psychotherapist, Couples Therapist, and Psychoanlytic Psychotherapist, working with adults, couples and children. Supervision for qualified practitioners as well as those … View Profile
It often happens that when couples fight it is because they share an underlying issue that is troubling both of them at a deep level. The fights may be because each is unconsciously trying to get help for the issue from their partner, but because it is a shared issue, they are failing. They both end up feeling frustrated and angry and hurt. This can cause fights; sometimes over the smallest things. It would be a good idea to go and see a couple's therapist who is trained to support this unconsciously led process, because then there would be an opportunity to try and make good use of what has been happening between you and ultimately it may strengthen your relationship.
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Margie Ulbrick
Counsellor
I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile
I can really understand your reticence to seek couples counselling. It can be a challenge to put yourself before a third person and can make you feel quite vulnerable. It actually takes quite a lot of courage and willingness to put yourself in that place. However, that said, it can be one of the most beneficial things for your relationship and you may end up being very grateful to your partner that she cared enough about the relationship and about you to want assistance to get you both to a happier place. I agree with the comments above. It is wise to seek assistance and can save you much distress to have a professional who can skilfully help you navigate these tricky fights. Most people seek couples therapy too late and I would recommend you don't fall into this trap. Take heart, be brave and have courage. The rewards may surprise you. It's no different from a car really, it needs fine-tuning now and again to run at its best. A bit of service and maintenance work goes along way. And there is a lot at stake in caring for your relationship. It's too important to let things slide. If even one person wants to get couples counselling then my attitude is “why would you resist?” Take your partners concerns seriously and this in itself will help the relationship. Relationships can be the most challenging but also the most rewarding aspects of our lives. Good luck!
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Lucy Prieto
Psychologist
Our philosophy is to empower individuals by assisting them in discovering their own inner potentials and strengths without judgments, and viewing them as unique and … View Profile
My suggestion would be to attend a couple of therapy sessions by yourself first. Talk about it with your therapist what is really bothering you and how your relationship is not working for you. By doing this you will develop insight into what is important in relationships and also what fails. By developing a report with your therapist and gathering the knowledge you need will allow you to feel more at ease in bringing your partner into the equation. Lucy Prieto, Psychologist.
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Dr David Wells
Clinical Psychologist, Counsellor, Psychologist
Dr David Wells is a fully registered Psychologist with the Psychology Board of Australia. David has experience in both private practice and public sector work.Although … View Profile
Frequently one partner in the couple is hesitant about seeking counselling. However if you are fighting a lot and that does not change the possible consequences are worse than just going to see a therapist. Make sure you find a therapist that you both find beneficial. Remember therapists are only there to help and it is all confidential. Good luck.
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Vivienne Colegrove
Counsellor
I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile
Going to see a couples counsellor can feel really daunting! For lots of people, it's about fearing that you may be judged negatively, or told you need to change in a way that may feel like it goes against your ideas of what you are willing or able to do. All the other counsellors have offered some excellent ideas and suggestions that I hope may help you feel more confident to give counselling a try.
A couple of counsellors have written an article to help their clients think about how couples counselling works and how to make the best use of it. I hope you may find it helpful. http://www.psychotherapy.com.au/fileadmin/site_files/pdfs/notestoacouple.pdf
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