Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist
In my experience, having the “trappings of happiness” does not guarantee happiness. Even though things sound like they are OK now, it also seems you've been through some very difficult times. Adverse events in people's early lives make them far more likely to experience problems like depression. To get to the bottom of why you experience your particular symptoms it's really important that you get professional help from a psychologist or psychiatrist (one who will engage in “talking therapy”).
Your scenario is not at all uncommon, and it important that you don't downplay your symptoms. It's important you don't tell yourself you should be happy, and set that expectation, when you know you just don't feel that way.
A professional will be able to help you reach an understanding of what's causing the depression and anxiety
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to your account or now (it's free).Counsellor, Hypnotherapist
Hello there, it does not surprise me that you feel depressed since your experience is not being validated by anybody around you including your doctor. You seem to have had a difficult start in life surrounded by violence at home and failure at school. These experiences are traumatic and need to be addressed with the help of a professional. When repressed trauma go underground it can turn into depression.
Go and seek help from a counsellor or psychologist and trust yourself that “having everything” is not a recipe for happiness and that something is definitely not right. You can do this through the referral of a GP(and I would change GP if I were you) to a psychologist or shop around for your own until you feel comfortable with one. Good Luck and all the best in your quest.
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to your account or now (it's free).Health Professional
I agree with what the others have suggested, especially the idea of finding a new GP who has a good understanding of mental health issues (the beyondblue Web site is searchable for such people). Such a person will be able to refer you to mental health professional(s) - a psychiatrist and/or a clinical psychologist.
A couple of things that you wrote struck me.
You said "My family love me so much" but you also said "Suffering from violence of my parents“. I hear a contradiction here - this is something that a mental health professional may be able to help you with.
You also said ”I can't stop thinking about killing myself". If your suicidal thoughts *ever* include working out the details of a plan or method then the *only* thing that matters is that you are in a safe place. If that ever happens please go *straight away* to the A&E of your nearest hospital - there will be health professionals there who can help.
All the best.
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to your account or now (it's free).Arts Therapist
If your thoughts of suicide are constant - or even if they're just intermittent, really - Lifeline is a wonderful resource, instantly available, safe, confidential. Reaching out to someone is the first step - which you've already done here so I congratulate you on that.
Different forms of therapy work well for some people, not so much for others. So it's a good idea for you to work out what works best for you. I'm an art therapist and work with art and journalling, the combination of which worked beautifully for me in my own past experience of depression and anxiety. But it's important for you to work with your own unique sense of self, not to deny how you're feeling - - and work from there.
Good luck and let us know how you go.
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