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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Depressed as living with parents & unemployed. How do I get out of this rutt?

    Related Topics
    Addiction Alcohol Dependence Depression
    I lost my job and have to live with my parents where you have to wind your clocks back 50 years. it is costing me a lot of money to do courses and drive in and out of either Gladstone or Rockhampton.
    I find myself shut in my room and have started drinking way too much as I find it the only way to cope with the parents also I am finding it difficult to go walking as for snakes and the road is very narrow and cars just dont slow down. I am putting on so much weight.
    Can anyone give me some ideas of how to get myself out of this rutt and depression?
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    Nigel Bailey

    Counsellor, Psychotherapist

    I am a professional counsellor and psychotherapist with a special interest in mens' issues. In a competitive culture that celebrates winners and quickly discards those … View Profile

    I am greatly encouraged to hear that you are doing courses, even if they are a struggle to get to. As we reach adulthood, leaving the family home is an important milestone for all sorts of practical and psychological reasons; it can be really hard to have to move back, particularly under these circumstances. While it is good to see that your parents are still there for you, it cannot be an ideal situation for anyone.

    So let's begin by dispensing with the “rut”. It's only one if you make it so, and ruts by their very nature are hard to get out of. Perhaps we could see this rather as an opportunity to stock-take on life so far. Why do we insist on defining ourselves by what we do? We are a lot more than that. If you feel you are depressed, talk to your doctor and consider the options available. And find a good therapist.  I am a great believer is solutions-focused therapy for cases such as yours; brief, problem-solving strategies to help you to help yourself.

    If we were to work together, I would begin by looking at the obstacles, both real and imaginary. Consider a range of new opportunities, from distance-learning courses to short-term contracts that might get you out of the house for months at a time. Get on a bike; great exercise and a great means of escape. Drinking can be great fun too, but much more so in company, where the depressive effects will not be so counter-productive. Set yourself a daily agenda of activities that will improve your skills, increase your fitness (and with it your sense of well-being) and engage with your Mum and Dad as a motivated adult. They may drive you nuts, but they have your back, and as such afford you the luxury to take stock, however dubious that might seem.

    It all sounds ideal and really easy. It's not, but even the smallest steps to help yourself will provide the motivational boost that you need and prove to yourself the qualities that you possess. Best of luck and keep a lookout for those snakes!

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    JustDoIt

    HealthShare Member

    I'm 50. They live in the middle of nowhere. I moved back to my home town & have finally landed my dream job. I Also Have Up Alcohol. Now 6 mths sober.
    It was the only way out. Good thing I had money left to get accommodation & to get a job.
    Thank you for your support but I made it through. Cheers.

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    JustDoIt

    HealthShare Member

    Get a bike. They live in the bush.
    My parents are the ones that cause me to drink as they are so negative.
    Anyway I left & moved back to my home town & have never looked back. I also have been 6 mths Alcohol Free.

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    Karen Amos

    Counsellor, Personal Trainer

    Walk and Talk is just what you need to begin living a life that you love. I'm Karen Amos and at Walk and Talk Australia … View Profile

    That is a great answer from Nigel and he has covered alot of ground in his response.  Something that I would like to acknowledge you for is simply your desire to create a shift in your life.  

    Often times when we feel like we can't move, we actually can, but have no real motivation for change.  It sounds as though you know you want things to be different, and know how you want things to be different now, but what is it that you want for your own future?  Nigel's goal focussed approach is also something I share.  Take a look down the track and imagine what you would like to see and who you would like to become in the next year and bring it back to now, step by step bridging the gap between the two.  

    I read recently that “every choice I make is a step in creating who I am and want to become”.  I have applied this to eating, regular and varied exercise and like you, learning.  I even thought that as I ate a piece of caramel slice!  And was able to agree - Yes, this is not contributing to my greater health, but it's my choice.  

    Shift can happen when you begin to choose differently, for the purpose of change.  A rut often feels like “Groundhog Day” and shift may come when you realise the opportunity that this time with your parents, has given you - like the time to realise what you don't want.

    Kindly - Karen


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    Bruce Jenkins

    Psychologist, Psychotherapist

    ABOUT BRUCE Registered psychologist since 1991 Broadly Humanistic approach with special interest in Person Centred therapy Over sixteen years experience as a supervisor Taught Counselling … View Profile

    Your situation is difficult and the isolation seems intense.
    Posting on this site was a brave move and a really significant step in finding some support.

    Perhaps seeking out a psychologist or counsellor would be helpful. Often just speaking about the problem helps lighten the burden. 

    If you contact a therapist of some description, look for one who is registered and experienced. Talk to them on the phone briefly and notice how you respond. Do you think you could trust this person? Did they seem to hear you clearly?

    Good wishes on your journey.

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