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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I reject someone romantically in a polite way?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    I find the awkwardness of dating a bit of a hindrance, how do you explore a potential relationship with someone who you’re not that keen on and get to know them without sending the wrong signals? And if you decide you’re not that keen then what is the best way to let know?
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  • Marian Spencer

    Counsellor

    Marian Spencer Counselling is a private practice located in Cornubia, South East QLD, and offers services Specifically for Women. I am a graduate member of … View Profile

    Should someone ask you out on a date who you have never found particularly exciting, but you're willing to give it a try, the best thing to do is be honest right from the start. This will make it easier to put on the brakes should any situations occur that you are not comfortable with.

    Example: You are asked out on a date from the guy in the office.  You don’t find him particularly cute, but nevertheless are willing to give it a try. You take up the offer but tell him ‘politely of course’ you are not looking for a long term relationship at this time but are happy to go for a meal or to the movies or whatever may have been suggested. You could also suggest he come along for an evening out with a group of your friends. Doing this for the first date would make it less intimate and awkward moments could be avoided. If he accepts this offer -  then you have started well.

    When you are on the date don’t send the wrong messages. Try not to flirt or sit too closely or make remarks that have double meanings. Should you meet up with an old girlfriend of his, don’t suddenly become overly protective of him. Don’t end the evening at his place and in his bed. This type of behaviour is sending all the wrong messages. Take some time to really get to know him. The romance will blossom naturally if the chemistry is there.

    If however, after a few dates you decide he isn’t for you. Then it will be much easier to tell him you are taking some time out from the dating scene. Tell him it’s been nice to have spent time together and maybe you could go out for dinner again sometime.

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  • Colleen Morris

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Colleen Morris is a Clinical Family Therapist and Counsellor in Geelong, Victoria. Colleen works with individuals, couples and families, to promote growth, wellness and potential. … View Profile

    I don’t know that there’s any easy way. It’s really tricky stuff. I do believe that ultimately being upfront and honest is important in a relationship and that we must start right at the beginning to build trust and respect in relationships. Maybe, you can think about what conversation you would like to have with someone right at the beginning as you go out with them. Do you need to actually ask them what their expectations are or tell them that you just want to be friends? It’s about thinking, what are my boundaries as I go out with this person? I think that remaining silent or ignoring the person isn’t the right way to go. Sometimes, we do that in a protective way but it’s very hurtful being the other person. So being upfront and honest while at the same time, being gentle.

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  • Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    In addition to the other very helpful advice offered above I would add that you do not have to be responsible for another person's experience. In fact you cannot be. So, taking into account what has already been said here, remember that if you act with integrity and respect for others and you have some awareness about your own behaviour you are in the best position to be fair both to yourself and to those you may date.

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