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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I befriend others?

    Related Topics
    Depression Mental Health Relationships
    I am so depressed. I have struggled for years with depression. I am so lonely and feel i am not worth anything to people. I have no close friends and just feel soo dark and alone. Please help me with info on where i can go to meet some friends to help me through.
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  • 1

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    Dr Simon Easterbrook-Smith

    Health Professional

    My research interests include immunology and the mechanisms of amyloid formation. The latter has implications for people who are dealing with Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease … View Profile

    Are there any particular things which interest you?

    A (completely random) list might include photography, cooking, following a particular sport, gardening, reading science fiction novels….

    If so, maybe check out the Web for organisations where you live who share your interests.

    The commonality of interests between you and other members of them might help you to develop close friends.

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  • Charlotte Stansfield

    Counsellor

    Often enough, we do not know our own mind. In the process of dialogue with another person, we are able to clarify what we think … View Profile

    I'm glad you asked this question, because it is an important one. We do tend to isolate when we have depression, and loneliness results. Often it can be a cyclical thing - the more we experience loneliness without a break the more depressed we can become.

    I think it can be helpful not to see yourself as separate from the rest of humankind. Most of us have felt lonely at various times, and many have experienced depression, and yet no-one talks about it - which is why i am glad you have raised it. So assuming that anyone else you reach out to has some experience somewhere in their lives with loneliness the easier it will be to reach out. The best way to connect with others if you are shy, or unsure, is to ask them questions, give them the opportunity to talk, be a good listener ! Show a genuine interest in others and they will respond.

    While it can sound like a cliche doing things you like will likely bring you into contact with people you might like, and who may like you as per the post above. Voluntary work if you don't work is another option, exercise, and developing a spiritual path can also help. 

    Fundamentally, the best way to begin to connect more deeply with others is to begin to connect more deeply with yourself. Counselling can help with this. I would suggest finding someone (counsellor/therapist/social worker) to see who is experienced in ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Many practitioners can work through Medicare so the cost is contained somewhat.

    Good luck.

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  • Bruni (Brunhilde) Brewin

    Counsellor, Hypnotherapist

    Bruni Brewin is President Emeritus of The Australian Hypnotherapists’ Association (AHA), the oldest and largest National Registration Body for hypnotherapists in Australia founded in 1949, … View Profile

    Quote" I am so depressed. I have struggled for years with depression. I am so lonely and feel i am not worth anything to people. I have no close friends and just feel soo dark and alone. Please help me with info on where i can go to meet some friends to help me through." Unquote

    You don't say how old you are, but you do say that you have struggled for years with depression.  My first question to you would be; "What happened years ago to cause you depression?"  There can be many answers to this, but the answer from you and your experiences is what matters.

    Examples might be; childhood upbringing, abusive or sexual assault, domestic violence in a first relationship, a partner cheating on you, or a health issue that hasn't been picked up?

    If you feel unworthy - are you mixing with people that make you feel that way?  Or is that how you feel because you feel you have nothing to offer to make you feel worthy?  Where to make new friends?  Doing a course or workshop on something that you would enjoy doing.  It would get you out and be with people that like doing the same thing as you.  In the past, I have done a photography course, a painting course and a singing course.  Laughter classes are usually not too far away, or go to the gym (both release the hormones that give you a happy feeling.)  I know it could probably be the last thing you might feel like doing, but change needs change, and what you are doing now isn't working.

    The thing that is important to know is that you can be helped.  As I say to my clients, it just means you haven't yet found the therapy or person that has been able to help you.  So don't give up - keep looking.

    What is depression?  Your mood... your feelings... your emotions...  We all have feelings and emotions. And if it isn't a health issue, then it is an emotional issue.  If you are on medication, checking with your GP is important - (s)he may need to change that.

    I read in a recent research In an article by George Lindenfeld, Ph.D., ABPP, L. Richard Bruursema – Resetting the Fear Switch in PTSD;  Quote “Recent advances in neuropsychology and brain imaging have opened new doors to our understanding of PTSD and other anxiety-related disorders. 

    We now know that the symptoms associated with this condition closely interweave with memory circuits in the limbic system of the brain. 

    A working premise forthcoming from this body of research is that: Although PTSD is triggered by trauma, it is really a disease of memory.  The problem isn’t the trauma; it’s that the trauma can’t be forgotten!  More specifically, the emotional charge of the memories remains hair-trigger and consequently intrudes into numerous activities of daily living.” Unquote

    Without getting any more technical, what it really means is to release the feelings and emotions from your memory (not that you won't remember - just that it no longer affects you), may release what we call depression.  I have found using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) in the hypnosis trance state has been very beneficial in doing that.

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  • 1

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    Anonymous

    I found places to go world wide called "Meetup" site. I join various groups, and I found art to be a great outlet that fits me the best as everyone is there to do art which engaging the whole mind and self expression of what is going on inside. Also, I found that I made some friends along the way as we share a common interest.

    I hope that helps as I know how hard it is to pick one self up and go to meet new people. I definitely do not go to any bar type or recreational drug use coffee house as that will make things worse, and one meets the wrong type of people that is needed to start leading a more fulfilled life.

    Please google Meetup where you are and try out some groups where there is no pressurre that share your interests. If you don't like one group then try another.

    Take good care of yourself as you are special and you do count no matter what happened to you. Depression is not your fault as like having any other disease is not the fault of the person, rather a one of a kind person with a condition. No different than a person for example with diabetes or heart disease. There will never be someone exaclty like you as you are unique, you are important and you do count.

    Please if your Dr. has prescribed meds for you, please keep taking them, and if they are not working, be honest and tell the Dr. the truth so he can help you.

    Also one does not have to share with anyone you meet that you are a person with a condition known as depression as it is non of their business. Just like people do not talk abouth their health concerns, talk to the professionals, get help, join group therapy sessions, we are all here for you, want to help, and you are indeed worth it.

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