Thanks
Dr Hall, I noticed you recommended joining some group to feel a sense of belonging and to listen to others. I've done all that and more but because I don't talk about my problems to anyone, all I do is listen to other's problems and it doesn't help at all. It makes me feel more inadequate because I don't have the capacity to share as others do. I'm tertiary educated, and have 3 wonderful children. I've always been physically active, am a Volunteer member of a couple of groups and have several hobbies. None of these things help when my illness settles in. All I think about is how to escape, be it running away (at best) or suicide (at worst). I've been on medication for years, and felt that it turned me into a person that I was not, so I haven't taken any medication for about 5 years (trying to find the real me). Yes the depression comes back darker and stronger than ever and I am running out of steam, so supposedly I have a lot to live for. So regardless of my “contribution”, nothing stops the lonliness, isolation and withdrawal. At the moment I've almost lost my voice - I'm totally blocked. I can write which is why I'm responding here. I'm seeing a Psychologist weekly at the moment but with the Medicare and Health Fund restrictions, I'm limited to the number of visits I can have, as I certainly cant afford to pay for visits once these limits have been reached.
I dont know what to do next or where to turn, HELP!
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Hi I'm sorry you feel the way you do; I do understand. I'm pleased you've found relief via a health professional, so do what you can to keep up with these visits. If you regard depression as an illness/disorder, say like cancer or diabetes, than perhaps we do need to learn how to embrace it as part of our lives. The irony is you wouldnt feel embarrassed if you had cancer or diabetes as you do with depression. I do dream about a day when the stigma of mental illness in society no longer exists. You're not selfish or petty and you're certainly not alone. I sincerely hope you find the solace you're seeking, my best wishes :)
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