Psychologist
Hi
I'm sorry to hear about your relationship sadness. It sounds like you and your wife have lost ‘contact’ with each other. This is a common problem in households with small children. John Gottman, a relationship researcher has found that one of the mistakes couples make is they forget to nurture their relationship. He found that ‘masters of relationships’ did two things to keep the intimacy in their relationships, they went on a 4 hour date each week, and they spent one hour a week talking about their relationship. Their date was just for fun, not for talking about their problems, just for laughing together and creating positive shared experienced. Similarly the one hour talk was not for problem solving their issues, but for checking in with each other, talking about whether you are getting what you need/want from the other and how to feel closer, happier together. It sounds like you and your wife could benefit from the help of a good relationship counsellor. You could also try reading one of John Gottman's books together and/or listening to his CD's and doing the exercises he suggests. I would recommend “7 Principles for Making Marriage Work” or “10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage”. Either of these would help if both you and your wife committed to doing them together.
I hope you can work it out - best of luck.
Trish Purnell-Webb
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