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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    What are the fundamental ingredients of a healthy relationship?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
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  • Grant Dempsey

    Counsellor

    With a passion to see people move forward and break free from the barriers holding them back, Grant is a highly experienced counsellor with over … View Profile

    After 20 years of being married and counselling couples my two key ingrediants are RESPECT and TRUST. Without these you don't have much of a relationship. Marriage and relationships are tough at times, especially when you throw in some kids so while you need spark and passion these are not enough, you need to have a respect and trust for your partner that will see you through the tough times. These ingredients endure.

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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    You may be surprised to know this area has been very thoroughly researched!

    One of the pre-eminent researchers in this area is Dr John Gottman, who tracked thousands of couple over many years and, by observing them over that time, was able to come up with 7 key factors that  characterized successful relationships.

    In addition to trust, the key ingredients to a healthy relationship are:-
    * being familiar with each other's world - knowing about and keeping up with what is important to your partner,
    * nurturing fondness and admiration
    * turning toward each other when one person tries to connect
    * letting your partner influence you
    * solving your solvable problems skilfully and in a way that is respectful of each other's perspective
    * overcoming gridlock - this is about creating a space where you can agree to disagree without getting into perpetual arguments.
    * creating shared meaning about your life together.

    If you'd like to know more about all of these, check out http://www.yesmagazine.org/pdf/56/56poster.pdf

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  • Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    Respect, understanding and compassion. These would be my top three! But there are so many great things you can do to create a healthy relationship. Being grateful and aprecciative is important for positivity. Having a good atmosphere in the relationship that feels nurturing and supportive to both partners is important. Looking at each other through fresh eyes and continuing to see who is this person I am sharing my life with. We all change all the time. Being open to discover and keep up with the changes in your partner as well as being curious about the meaning they make of things. Not taking things personally and having a good sense of humour. Play together, have fun together and don't take yourselves seriously all the time! Showing empathy for each other and being gentle. A good relationship is healing and growth-enhancing. It allows both people the freedom to grow and explore themselves. Self-awareness is key. Learn your patterns, your triggers and understand something of your history as well as that of your partner. Respond don't react. Attend to the greetings in the morning and evening. Demonstrate affection and keep the passion alive. Trust each other and behave in ways that are trustworthy. Last but not least, nurture the friendship.

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