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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    What are some of the main causes of marital problems?

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    Relationships
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    Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    Marital conflict has its roots in many sources. We bring to the relationship our own inherited wounds from childhood which we enact on a subconscious level in our intimate partnerships. Failing to address conflict is one of the most enduring problems as it is not the conflict itself, but how it is managed that causes problems. People often do not understand how their communication style effects their partner. They are unaware that the manner in which they respond to their partner is often perpetuating the problem. This ensures that they are set up to continue the pattern of misreading each other and failing to meet each others needs for intimacy and closeness. Lack of intimacy is further perpetuated by common patterns of distancing, pursueing, withdrawal, criticism anger and hostility. Lack of empathy for each other is another source of pain. Managing conflict well and shining a torchlight on the seemingly entrenched patterns of communication goes a long way to increasing the love and the ability to respond to each other in a truly heatfelt, genuine and authentic way, thus providing the possibiliity for a deeply connected relationship which is what human beings long for.

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