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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    What are the key factors for a healthy marriage?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    What are the most important things to maintain a healthy marriage?
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    Trish Purnell-Webb

    Psychologist

    Experience: 25+ years working in clinical and organisational settingsSpecialities: relationship therapy, trauma focussed therapy, mood disorders, anxiety, panic disorders.Therapies: Emotion Focussed Therapy, Gottman Marital Therapy, … View Profile

    Leading researcher and therapist in this area, John Gottman, says there are 7 key principles to making relationships work:

    1.  Building a strong friendship as your basis
    2.  Demonstrating fondness and admiration for each other
    3.  Maintaining a positive outlook on your partner and the relationship
    4.  Accepting conflict as normal and turning towards each other to discuss problems as well as making repair attempts after conflict
    5.  Allowing yourself to be influenced by your partners wants, needs, ideas, values
    6.  Supporting your partner to fulfill their own goals and dreams
    7.  Working together to fulfill your couple goals and dreams

    John and his wife Julie have written several very good and highly readable books on the subject that I would recommend.  They have also developed an excellent approach to couples therapy based on their research. So, if you are looking for help with your relationship find a Gottman trained therapist in your area and learn a range of new skills and approaches to dealing with your relationship issues.

    Good luck

    Trish 

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    Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    Respect! Respect each other's differences and value them. Don't make your partner's faults into personality defects. Rather look at patterns between you that may feel unhealthy and look to name these and take responsibilty for your own part in the dance between you. Seek first to understand before being understood. Refrain from blame, criticism, attack or stone-walling. Maintain and develop a sense of independence as well as inter-dependence. In other words, energise your relationship with what you bring back to it rather than be a drain on it, expecting the relationship to provide for all of your needs. Look for ways to nurture and support each other. Make your relationship a safe place in which you can both be real and address any areas of conflict . Be prepared to put time and effort into your marriage. Like other important apsects of your life (eg health, fitness, spirituality, work, recreation: give it time and space and energy!) Have fun together and allow each other to be vulnerable. Treasure each other and never take each other for granted. These are just a few things that help to create a healthy marriage! Good Luck

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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    In addition to the great information given above, healthy relationships are where there is an equal sharing of power, and neither person feels abused or controlled by the other one. A helpful guide to what characterizes a healthy relationship free from violence is available at websites such as Love; the good, the bad and the ugly http://lovegoodbadugly.com/quiz-good-bad-or-ugly-relationships/ 

    All the best.

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