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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    What is the normal range of times you should be having sex each month?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    If you are married and have been in a long term relationship what is the normal range of times you should have sex each month? Obviously this varies but interested to know what the range is.
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    Dr Lisa Anne Bell

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Lisa is a clinical psychologist in private practice with 24 years experince. She specialises in anxiety,depression, trauma, Post Natal depression, psychosomatic problems (eg; chronic fatigue) … View Profile

    I don't think one could even put an average number of times. Frequency of sexual contact depends on the stage of your relationship(eg, early stages, whether you have young children etc) age and health of the partners, level of emotional intimacy and level of lack of conflict in the general relationship. Naturally couples have less sex when there are communication problems and conflict. Also lack of time, stress and tiredness play a role in sexual readiness. I suggest you forget about what us “normal” and just enjoy each other!

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    Grant Dempsey

    Counsellor

    With a passion to see people move forward and break free from the barriers holding them back, Grant is a highly experienced counsellor with over … View Profile

    Lisa makes some great points, there are so many factors involved it makes it difficult to pick a weekly or monthly average. However I'd suggest that mutually fulfilling sexual intimacy is an essential aspect of your relationship. What, how, when and how often will vary between couples so book a time when the two of you can sit down and talk about how things are going for you in this area and how they can be improved. If you can have an open discussion and make some plans then that will be helpful. If you have some strong points of difference then it might pay to see someone who can clarify the issues and help you develop strategies and plans to move forward.
    All the best.  

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    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    Both of the previous counsellors have made the excellent point that there is a wide variation in what is considered 'normal' re frequency of sex in a relationship. Some couples are satisfied with having sex once a month, or even less. Others would consider this as a sign the intimate side of their relationship was in real trouble. However, the key point (as Grant has suggested) is that you are both OK with the way things are. Partners may be very different in their levels of sexual desire. As with any other relationship issue - it's about negotiating these differences, talking them through and arriving at a solution that meets both of your needs if possible. If this is not possible, then it's about whether you are prepared to accept your differences and be content with what your partner is prepared to give. There is no right or wrong here - we all have our different bottom lines about what we can and cannot live with. A skilled relationship counsellor may help you to work through this, and assist you to find either new strategies and/or different perspectives on the issue.

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