I hate my life, is it worth my effort getting help?

Hi

I used to be  like you,,, not sleeping. I understand how you feel and know this drives you crazy. You are in the right place and there is a big chance you improve. If  you don't mind to write more about yourself and how this problem started, if possible?  

I've always delt with personal problems by myself. (this is definitely the short version). I had a major break up in 1995. That lady I still grieve over. At the time I had a high pressure job. I think I put pressures on myself to do everything as close to perfect as possible. Was studying at uni for a while then mum broke her hip. (ilive at home with my dad). Mum got worse then eventually 18 months later pass away with bone cancer. I don't like the word trigger its to definite to what's been happening to my brain. People think that mum could be the trigger. I thing it is an accumulation of things . I just wich the sick feeling in my guts would go away. Went to the mental health unit today. They recommended to up my dose of night time pills so I sleep better. Even bought a new bed. Still wake up like an old man on the side of the bed and just sit. They also recommended a oncologist as well and to ring them tomorrow. My dad doesn't know much of this I want to keep him from the worst of it after him losing a wife off 56 years. Also have gambling problem although I still keep up with my bills. Want to be part of life again on some level but anything to far into th future scares the hell out of me. Thanks for replying kind regards John Murray.

When I went to the mentall Heath clinic the lady there has recommended to get my gp to referr me to a phycologist and see if they can help. Seeing my phyciatrist today. See how things pan out. Thankyou again. I will try to try anything. I know there are soe things in my life I should change or stop or try but my motivation levels won't let me. Regards John

Hi John,
I'm so sorry to hear about the way you're feeling but there is hope so hang in there ok?
I think you've taken a hugely positive step by going to see your GP and your psychiatrist.  I don't know what sort of therapy your psychiatrist does, if any, as not all psychiatrists offer ‘talking’ therapy.  But seeing him/her for medication review is a great first step.  Next step, a referral under a Mental Health Care Plan to see a psychologist (where abouts are you located?).  This referral will get you 6 medicare-rebated appointments to see a psychologist with potential for you to receive more if both the psychologist and GP think it is necessary.

I offer therapy to clients with anxiety all the time - and John, there is hope.  You have had a rough few years by the sounds of it, and while your mum may have been the ‘trigger’ as others are suggesting, it definitely sounds like an accumulation of things over the years - exacerbated by your self-reported perfectionistic behaviours. 

John, please make sure you follow up with the GP about talking to a psychologist and let us know how you go.  These forums can be a wonderful way to receive support and I congratulate you again on taking the first steps.

Carla

Hi carla
have managrsed to get into my gp tomorrow as well as an appointment with a phycaitrist Thursday. Even if I don't get the referral in time it doesnt matter I have to start somewhere before I explode. I work night shift so it's off to work I go tonight. Tomorrow will be a new day. It's good to let these things out in the open. Ism past feeling embarrassed about my situation. The difficulty is for friends and acquaintances to understand and not just think you are a cop out.
regards John 

Dear John,

You have made a huge step by getting help and that must be congratulated! Sometimes we can't get any sense of what, how and why we feel the way you do. The important thing is that you are seeking help from the correct sources. Although it's going to take a lot of strength and effort to make and keep your appointments - just make sure you do - let the GP, Mental Health Team, Phyciatrist and Phycologist figure out what to do - you just need to get yourself there - if you have someone you trust that can take you along to appointments - even better. I speak from personal experience. Back in July last year I had no fight left in me left to live, I felt that everywhere I turned, I didn't belong and that I was wasting my time being alive - this was a very dark time for me - however, the best thing i ever did was to finally seek the help from the right sources - but before I did that - i got so low that I searched, how to commit suicide successfully, on the internet - Up came lots of things - but one caught my eye - it was that no matter how I feel right now - I am worthy to live and that help is there - I can't remember all the words - but that link saved my life - I wish I could thank the person who blogged it - So I want to say to you John - YOU ARE WORTHY OF LIFE and LIFE IS WORTHY OF YOU - YOU ARE IMPORTANT - YOU DO MATTER - WE REALLY DO CARE ABOUT YOU - Getting the meds to help and finding the right ones for you is worth the time - although I did feel like giving up at some points - what really matters is that you work with the help and that the help work with you - I highly recommend the Mental Health Access team - they have follow up phone calls and home visits if needed - they are there all the time for you - you just have to promise to pick up the phone - Once your Phyciatrist gets your meds right (you will sleep better) you will continue to see a Phsycologist and GP - which I highly recommend. They work together WITH YOU to find the therapy that's right for you. I have been seeing my physcologist for 7 months and I feel that I am CONNECTED TO LIFE AGAIN.
You're not a cop out! Let others think what they think - one day they'll understand - and if not - that doesn't matter - what matters is you John - you deserve to love yourself - you deserve compassion - you deserve help - you matter
There's so much more I could say …..
hang in there John
with love
Angelina

Thank you for your positive words. I still feel a little hope from what you have said.
with love sincerely John. 

You're welcome John. I'll be thinking of you. Hope to hear how you're going.
you'll be ok, take all the time you need, little steps at a time
with love
Angelina :-)

John, everybody here (health professsionals and others) have made great suggestions.

For me the first and by way the hardest step was to accept that that I needed help from mental health professionals.

You have taken that step too - I think that you should be *very* proud of yourself for doing that.

Things *can* and *will* get better now you have taken that step :-).

Hello,
Of course it is worth going on, don't loose faith. I was sick for 7 months with major depression and finally my psychiatrist found a medication that really works for me, things couldn't be better. I was at the end of my teather to and just wanted to give up so I rang mental health and I ended up going into a clinic to get some intense therapy and help. Was the best decision I ever made. You have to keep fighting

Thank you everyone for your supportive words. I am seeing a phycologist as well now. Only saw him once and he brought out feelings in me I didn't know we're sitting there. 

Sincerely John murray