Depression & Grief

Hi Nat, I too feel as if things are unbearable today. I have been on a downward spiral since around Christmas and have just phoned the nurse from the hospital Acute Care Team.
I will be going to see a Psychiatrist tomorrow and no doubt he will want to put me on new medication.
I have been on Prothiaden for 21 years now  - because I also need it for chronic pain.
My head feels very troubled today but with no particular thoughts and like I am all slowed down and I cannot concentrate very well.
I think it stinks that if you are not in a private health fund that there is nowhere to go to just have some support for a while as all the public beds are taken up with  really acute cases.
When I am really low I cling to my family as a reason to keep going - even though I do not talk to them about how I am feeling.
I find that you have to have experienced Major Depression to have even the slightest clue about it and the pain and loss you feel.
You are not alone but please reach out for help to your doctor or Lifeline or go to the hospital for help.

I really hope you get the support you need at this moment as well.  Remember to go for walks and get into nature as much as possible helps your state of mind.

I know how you feel Nat, but the reality is that people do love and care for you even if you think they don't.  They probably don't understand what you go through, but care.  Please do seek some immediate help if you are thinking of ending your life.  Tomorrow is always another day and you don't want to do anything hasty out of your pain.  There are resources there for you (and me) if you truly look.  I've posted a website of someone who may be of help as well.  He's in the USA, but not out of reach by phone (very reasonable with Telstra) and charges way LESS than therapists in Australia.  He specialises in Codependency.  You can check on the website to see if you are co-dependent (there is a questionnaire)  I am very high!  Life has been very painful and lonely for me but something is keeping me going.  Look for that strong part of you that pushes you onward and be open to healings and help of professionals and others who have been through the same thing.  Hold onto hope.

Hi Naturegirl,
I just want to thank you for the info about Robert Burney's website.
I was able to download 5 sections of his book called “Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls”.
I found it very enlightening and was just what I needed at this time even though I still feel very fuzzy headed and crap - but I do have more understanding about life!

Thanks for letting me know Rhapsody.  Its so good to know that others have similar feelings and I'm not totally alone, which it feels like sometimes.  I've also contacted ASCA, Adult Survivors of Child Abuse.  They are physicall located at Kirribilli Neighbourhood Centre and their phone number is 8920 3611.  They have a counselling line for when you need to talk to someone when feeling overwhelmed 1300 657 380.  I've kept this number handy just in case.  Lifeline as well 131114.  Anyone with chronic depression should keep this number nearby!  ASCA runs free workshops for survivors.  I don't think they know the dates yet, but you could ring them or look up their website:  http://www.asca.org.au  There is also an organisation called GROW where you can meet others with mental health issues like Depression and Anxiety in person.  Their website is http://www.grow.net.au/index.php/grow-in-your-state/grow-nsw which shows where they are located in NSW etc.  To quote what they say on their website: GROW is a community of persons working towards mental health through mutual help and a 12 Step Program of recovery.  Small groups of people who have experienced depression, anxiety or other mental or emotional distress, meet together on a weekly basis to help each other deal with the challenges of life.  Some people come to GROW while struggling with the loss of a job, a loved one or a relationship.

I went to a group a couple of times before but found it wasn't the right one for me.  Now I've moved to the inner-west of Sydney I will probably try another one.  As you can tell, I feel better this afternoon, simply because I've spoken to my daughter who I though didn't care!  Wrong!  All in my mind.

Thanks for letting me know Rhapsody.  Its so good to know that others have similar feelings and I'm not totally alone, which it feels like sometimes.  I've also contacted ASCA, Adult Survivors of Child Abuse.  They are physicall located at Kirribilli Neighbourhood Centre and their phone number is 8920 3611.  They have a counselling line for when you need to talk to someone when feeling overwhelmed 1300 657 380.  I've kept this number handy just in case.  Lifeline as well 131114.  Anyone with chronic depression should keep this number nearby!  ASCA runs free workshops for survivors.  I don't think they know the dates yet, but you could ring them or look up their website:  http://www.asca.org.au  There is also an organisation called GROW where you can meet others with mental health issues like Depression and Anxiety in person.  Their website is http://www.grow.net.au/index.php/grow-in-your-state/grow-nsw which shows where they are located in NSW etc.  To quote what they say on their website: GROW is a community of persons working towards mental health through mutual help and a 12 Step Program of recovery.  Small groups of people who have experienced depression, anxiety or other mental or emotional distress, meet together on a weekly basis to help each other deal with the challenges of life.  Some people come to GROW while struggling with the loss of a job, a loved one or a relationship.I went to a group a couple of times before but found it wasn't the right one for me.  Now I've moved to the inner-west of Sydney I will probably try another one.  As you can tell, I feel better this afternoon, simply because I've spoken to my daughter who I though didn't care!  Wrong!  All in my mind.

I know the feeling Nat.  But Mum is in a good place and I'm sure she comes around me and watches over me, guiding me on.  I just wish I could talk to her and see her.  Mothers are the nurturers and even though my Mum had many faults and used her children at times to get her own needs met out of fear etc, she loved us in her own way and had a forgiving heart.  I believe she is still the same now, her heart is amazing.  It helps me at times to believe and know that I am not actually alone, but am truly loved by a greater power and that I'm being led … if I take the time to listen.  I've neglected my physical body by eating the wrong foods at the wrong times, getting 25 kg overweight, not doing regular exercise etc, but I've just booked in to a number of cheap courses through Leichhardt Womens Community Centre eg. Breathing for Vitality, Feeling Good About Feeling Good just to reach out and do something good for myself and be with other people (I usually isolate) and really need to motivate myself to walk.  The fact I've been out of work for 4 years since my Mother's death has been very detrimental to me and I'm open to asking for help from anywhere that I feel can help me because I want to live a life with vitality, being in a place that nurtures me, enjoying nature (nature is so healing) and learning to trust myself and others. I won't stop trying.  If not for me, then my daughter.