Lost and Confused - Stuck in Depression

I too am struggling with depression, i can relate to your feelings of being lost and confused, im 43 years of age and have tried to commit suicide four times now, obviously unsuccessfully. I have been on anti-depressants for quite some time and have spent time in saome acute psychiatric units, but when I come home again, the depression is still there. I have a wonderful partner whom i love very much and whom supports me in everyway, a beautiful daughter who is independant and living her life, still iam depressed. I quit my job, i avoid going out and just feel stuck in a big hole i can't get out of. it just sucks

maybe you could try going off of the medication for a while, knowing you are depressed, and thinking about it, is making you more depressed. waking up in the morning and taking the tablet, you are thinking that you are taking them because you are depressed, that you cant do anything right because you have depression, that because of the depression you cant live the life that you want. think of the positive things in life. think, ‘i am a woman who chooses what i do’. think about what you used to do and love, and tell yourself that you still love doing those things. tell yourself that you are a happy person, even if you dont feel it. or maybe just start talking to someone, or writing your feelings down in the form of a letter (it helps me because i feel like im telling someone) and when you're done writing, hopefully, you'll feel like a weight has been lifted. i always feel better after talking to someone, or writing it down.
you and i can start talking to eachother if you'd like?  cos sometimes all we need is someone who doesnt know us, to talk to.

Hi Womble,
to be totally honest, i haven't gone to a doctor and gotten anti-depressants. sometime i think that i should to see if i get any better, but i'm dong pretty good without them. i dont want the false happiness that they give you. i dont want to be made to feel happy, i actually want to be happy. everyone says that you can't manage without the anti-depressants, but you can. you still get depressed, have your ups and downs, but you find that the downs become less and less because you know how to deal with them and find things to distract yourself. talking helps me, writng helps me. having a boyfriend that understands helps me a lot too. it helps so much when people understand and purposly do things to cheer you up.
just like anyone, i have good and bad days. today was a bit of a mixture. i slept until quarter to 1, which i have never done before. it was bad because i felt useless, i felt like i couldnt do anythign right, and that was just because the oven cut out and i couldnt re-light it when i was half way through baking cookies. 
for some reason, i am better at hlping people than helping myself. if you would like to exchange email addresses, if you'd like to talk in private, we could.   

Hi Ladies,
I checked myself into the Perth clinic just over a week ago its a psychiatric hospital. I was at my wits end and just didn't know what to do anymore. I am so glad I went it helped more than I thought it would. They taught me about positive thinking and how to retrain my mind to not be so negative. I also had a med change since the ones I was on just weren't working. I can't not be on meds and I too much of a mess and just travel off to a different world. I feel like my hope has been renewed and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again i'm not surround my this black cloud anymore. I got out two days ago I just hope I can continue to be positive and keep following all the steps they taught me to help myself. I know it's going to be hard but I feel like it will be easier now that I have a better understanding of depression and how it confuses our minds into thinking we can't do anything.
Miranda I would like to keep in contact with you on here, there are not depression support groups where I live and I find it helps when you talk to people who are going through what you are going through.
Hi Womble I was on 300mg of Effexor and I just come off them, I was lucky I did't have any side effects and just stopped taking them, to me thats a definite sign that they were not working for me at all. You have to drop your dose gradually on effexor but you can start taking a new antidepressant at the same time. If you want to stop taking antidepressant all together then becareful because I have heard from a lot of people Effexor is one of the worst to try and get off and the side effects can be terrible maybe speak to your doctor first before you make any decision to be on the safe side.

Hi Ladies,
Sorry it's been a while since I posted, I do work full time and its so hard to stay concentrated and keep myself going through the day by the time I get home I have no energy and don't wont to do anything. I don't have many friends in kal, and I tend to push my friends away the more depressed I get. My psych changed my meds when I was in the clinic I was on Effexor XR then was changed to Cymbalta, I don't really feel much different it's been a month now and I feel like I am going into that black hole again. I have tried so many different meds over the last 7 months and nothing seems to be working. I want to get on with my life and not think about dieing all the time. I feel so guilty when I feel like dieing my mum wanted to live so much and fought the cancer so hard but she didn't make it and here I am wanting to die.

Hey Nat,
I really can understand, your feelings of guilt in terms of you feeling your wanting to die, especially
if your mother died from cancer and she fought so hard to live, but you are two very different people
with very different circumstances. Please hang in there Nat…In the past 2years I have overdosed
4 times, been hospitalised 2-3 times because of my attempts at suicide. I actually stopped
all my medication (anti-depressants) about one month ago…I should of done it through my doctor, but I stopped them first then told her. It was very very tough, but I have such clarity of mind now, and the constant suicide circle that my mind seemed to be in, has now broken. I still have the thoughts, though not as frequently, and not as deeply as they had been, sometimes I would sit there trying to think of all the different ways I could kill myself, and was devestated when I couldn't do it. Remember the people you love and those that love you Nat, what will it do to them
to find you dead? How will that affect them…they too will feel guilt, and that somehow thay are
responsible for not being able to help you. Please hang in there Nat…don't give in to it.
If you feel like going there…stop…breathe, think of of those who love you…it helps me now to do that…so simple…but enough…hope to hear from you again soon Nat, Kate xo

Hello. 

I am sorry to hear that life feels so tough. It does seem like there are practical life issues (like living away from your family) and mental health issues at play. 

I believe it important that you find an experienced psychologist who can help you to unpack the issues and deal with them one by one. As your motivation is low, I suspect that that comes from your depression and may be the first thing you need to address.

Research shows that the best result is to have medication plus CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). The medication will give you the motivation to learn new skills. After six months you may be ready to come off the meds and will be able to solve your life problems with newly acquired skills from the CBT.

The important thing is to give it the time it takes and not to act impulsively. I know this can be difficult and frustrating but keep a long term picture of health and happiness in your mind's eye.