I've suffered from severe depression for the past eight yrs, I have also since been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and general anxiety disorder.

i can relate to depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and self harm. i want to ask you about the worse case scenario. what if you tell your counselor everything on your mind, what if you do hve to go to the hospital? (there is no way you can assume that though) what then? what scares you?

please don't be afraid  cooper of hospital have you been in a mental health hospital befor they are alot different to what we perceive to be it nots like the movies i used to think that way, i think you should be honest with your counselors even though you are scared they are the best people to help you why your in that horrible head space , they may put you in hospital they may just want to see you more offten they may beable to give you calls on the phone just to check in with you and  help you distract youself or give you things or plans how to manage those rough times . i have a box that my pshycologist got me to make for when i am at that horrible head space i but things in it that make me feel good , like my favorite soap to smell ,my favorite tea,colouring book,  etc  i aslo ask my self what can i see for example a ligth bulb  five things cause that distracts me i write all these tricks down and stick them up some where i can see then so when ever i get in a state there is a list of things to try to distract me i keep going through the list, i hope this helps ask you counsellers for ideas  maybe post a thing on this website for ideas to help when your at a time of distress it might help you and other people take care

Hi Cooper,

As suggested above, hospitals are places for people who may need ongoing moitoring to get the medical treatment right, and are safe places for people who may be at risk of hurting themselves.  Unfortunately your psychologist will only be able to help you so much if they are only getting part of the picture, so its worth thinking about telling the whole story and dont be afraid to address your concerns or fears with the psychologist up front so you can get an accurate understanding of the situation. 

take care,

Nicole 

Hi cooper94

As far as your self-injury is concerned, you might like to check out this support forum; http://buslist.org/phpBB/index.php .

(I don't self-injure but I am one of the volunteer adminstrators of that site.)

Cooper 94 Please please please write down how you are feeling! It is much easier to write down than speak it…. you need to tell them how you are feeling hun! Other wise you are only cheating yourself by not getting what you really need…. so how can they diagnose you and give you the right medication if you aren't telling them everything! I know it is hard….  but I feel this is seriously why nothing has really helped you in the last eight years darl! There is no need to suffer… we all here know how you feel or have your very same fears believe it or not!  You have come here for all or our opinions…. it is the first step to recovery….asking for help!!  ((Hugs to you))  Please keep us updated

Hi There, I suffered from Depression and Anxiety for over 5 years…. I went into St John of God for a 3 week spell and it was so relieving to start to get help…..  I tried a few times to end my life…… I had cousellors and psychologist's plus was on medication as well as was self medicating with alcahol……. It was not until I came totally clean with my family that I started my road back…… If you need help with letting those around you know how you feel the is a great book “Living with a Black Dog”……. Don't give up hope, I no longer suffer from this disease any longer (off medication as well) but it was a tough road back…..BUT IT CAN HAPPEN……You have taken a great step posting on here…..even this can help….Just know that you are not on your own and there is support out there in that big dark world.



I wish you luck!

cooper94 - hang in there! I agree with the above - don't be afraid of hospital. It's a place where you can feel safe whilst receiving the necessary treatment. When I'm well… I used to joke to colleagues & say ‘Are they here yet?’ (referring to the so-called men in white coats) The response would be “No… they're not coming”.  “Doh!” I'd say  “I could do with a holiday…” Really is a relaxing & therapeutic environment for recovery when needed. I started journalling also this year - which has been great for getting my thoughts out there. Helps me process whatever I'm currently experiencing or feeling, particularly when you can re-read entries further down the track - helps keep things in perspective. Tell your therapists everything  (what they're paid for) - don't be afraid as that's your illness dragging you down & when you're feeling up to it - I you'd do well to join a support group. I can recommend GROW
the web address with corresponding links is:
www.grow.net.au

Having suffered depression and anxiety myself for a long time I have noticed that my anxiety is slightly/momentarily relieved by controlling the things I can control.
I write an agenda for my time with my therapist usually the night before but sometimes I make notes during the week/fortnight between sessions.
It's all in dots points and in my own words, sometimes with small sketches and when I'm angry or frustrated about something  I WRITE IT BIG AND BOLD AND UNDERLINED!!!
There has been a few times where I've still felt lost or scared of saying whats on my agenda to my therapist and so i have given it to him and whatever he doesn't understand he asks me to clarify.
But its a great way to get through that awkward ‘how do we start this’ phase at the beginning of a session and whatever didn't get said in that session whether we ran out of time or I ran out of courage I would carry it over to the next one and eventually I say “this has been on my agenda for weeks now because its hard to say”.
As for suicidal thoughts, because they were persistent when i was a teen (saw the same therapist then as I do now in my twenties) and now as I'm older my therapist suggested I should look at them as being like an old friend that you never really liked but you recognise them when you see them, and somehow they provide some relief from current pains so maybe they serve a purpose at the time even though you don't like them being there but they're there and don't do anything to do but sort of hang around pestering you. So I guess its like belittling your thoughts to something like a person that annoys you (I even visualised a nasty friend I had in high school whom I don't have contact with since leaving) you recognise them you say hello and you know they will leave you alone eventually. So its not trying to get rid of the thoughts its making them not so big and more like a person that you're familiar with and therefore not as scary.

Geez I hope that made sense and helped. It does for me. As mentioned above The Black Dog books in general are GREAT! I love the pictures and they're so truthful of the feeling. He's a nasty mutt!

Finally in regards to fear of being admitted, early 2009 I was struggling with suicidal thoughts and plans and self-harm I didn't want to tell my therapist everything for fear I would be hospitalised when all I wanted was just to talk to someone about it and the fact that I also wasn't telling my family about these thoughts and would feel embarassed if out of the blue I was hospitalised also concerns about co-workers and friends finding out.
I later found out that a clinical psychologist cannot involuntarily schedule anyone into a mental health ward (that therapist didn't tell me that another one did) only a doctor, psychiatrist or police officer can. 
I was unmedicated at the time because I was trying to prove I could beat it without meds but at this fearful moment I agreed with my therapist that it wasn't working and i that would go to my GP to get medication. My therapist wrote a very detailed note to my GP that I knew of the letter being sent but I didn't know she would put my plans in it the letter.
My therapist also arranged for the mental health team at the hospital to call me twice over the weekend as it was a friday that I saw her to see how I am talk about my thoughts until I could get meds from my GP on Monday.
I was angry that my GP knew my plans in detail (I had 3) but I realised later that the only time a therapist can break confidentiality is if someone is at significant risk of harming themselves or others and that there was no malace intended in letting my GP know what I had said she was doing her job and geniunely was concerned.
I think if you can show that you are willing to accept their help and that you don't see them as the enemy they will allow you a bit more autonomy in your treatment. Try not to be scared of those whose job it is to help you just trust their knowledge and be flexible with what you are willing to try and they will see you don't need to be hospitalised.
Be honest and prepared is my best advice but whatever you do don't be silent! It's such a great feeling to finally get the PROPER help you need and realise that this is not your time and you can get through this.
Talk often, talk well and believe in yourself.