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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    When will I come to terms with my loss after giving birth to a still born child?

    Related Topics
    Bereavement Mental Health Pregnancy & Breastfeeding
    I have recently had a stillbirth and I am a complete mess. How long will it take me to come to terms with so that I can get on with my life?
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  • Carolien Koreneff

    Counsellor, Credentialled Diabetes Educator (CDE), Diabetes Educator, Psychotherapist, Registered Nurse

    Carolien Koreneff is a Somatic (body-oriented) psychotherapist, Health Coach, Counsellor as well as a Credentialed Diabetes Educator with over 20 years experience. She currently sees … View Profile

    I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a child is a huge loss, something that you probably never get over completely. However, you can learn to live with this loss.

    Grieving takes time and is best done in relationship. What I mean to say is that if you can grief this loss together with your partner, the father of your baby, as well as other family members who may be involved (other children you may have, your parents, your partner's parents and so on) it will make it slightly easier to cope with.

    Allow yourself to grief. Often people think that they should be “strong”, that they shouldn't be crying as much as they do. I believe crying is a great way of expresssing the feelings and it is a natural part of the grieving process. And there are other parts to grieving as well. There will undoubtedly come a time when you might feel angry, when you might go in denial, or feel depressed. These are all part of the stages of mourning and are universal. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first described the stages in her book “on Death and Dying” back in 1969, you can find more information on this at the following website: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

    I would also recommend that you get some help from outside the family and friends circle. Find yourself a therapist who can help you. As a somatic psychotherapist I could help you work through the various stages and step back into life again, by working with both the body and the mind. Feel free to give me a call so we can have a chat to help you determine if you want to go down this path. Or you could talk to your GP and get them to refer you to a psychologist.

    I wish you all the best at this very difficult stage in your life. My thoughts are with you.

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  • Carolien Koreneff

    Counsellor, Credentialled Diabetes Educator (CDE), Diabetes Educator, Psychotherapist, Registered Nurse

    Carolien Koreneff is a Somatic (body-oriented) psychotherapist, Health Coach, Counsellor as well as a Credentialed Diabetes Educator with over 20 years experience. She currently sees … View Profile

    I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a child is a huge loss, something that you probably never get over completely. However, you can learn to live with this loss.

    Grieving takes time and is best done in relationship. What I mean to say is that if you can grief this loss together with your partner, the father of your baby, as well as other family members who may be involved (other children you may have, your parents, your partner's parents and so on) it will make it slightly easier to cope with.

    Allow yourself to grief. Often people think that they should be “strong”, that they shouldn't be crying as much as they do. I believe crying is a great way of expresssing the feelings and it is a natural part of the grieving process. And there are other parts to grieving as well. There will undoubtedly come a time when you might feel angry, when you might go in denial, or feel depressed. These are all part of the stages of mourning and are universal. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first described the stages in her book “on Death and Dying” back in 1969, you can find more information on this at the following website: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

    I would also recommend that you get some help from outside the family and friends circle. Find yourself a therapist who can help you. As a somatic psychotherapist I could help you work through the various stages and step back into life again, by working with both the body and the mind. Feel free to give me a call so we can have a chat to help you determine if you want to go down this path. Or you could talk to your GP and get them to refer you to a psychologist.

    I wish you all the best at this very difficult stage in your life. My thoughts are with you.

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  • Ralph Graham

    Counsellor

    Ralph Graham, Counsellor, Psychotherapist, helping those who are affected by:grief, loss, anxiety, phobias, panic attack.And those who have been traumatised by:crime, assault, sexual abuse and … View Profile

    Sounds to me like Carolien and the somatic therapy she favours might be very helpful.

    OK, how long you will take to get to a stronger place will depend on many things. A day at a time might sometimes be an hour at a time. I cannot pretend to know how you feel but I can say that while there will always be a “hole” in the fabric of your life with the loss of your baby, things will get better. Take the opportunity to talk to loved ones about it, let the tears flow and reflect on the happiness you felt during the time you spent nurturing the little one.

    Listening therapeutically is a learned skill so take advantage of this with a professional you feel comfortable with.

    Please check in from time to time and let us know how you are going. Lots of love to you till then.

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