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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    My wife and I recently lost our baby, what can I do to support her?

    Related Topics
    Bereavement Children's Health Mental Health
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    Dr Annie Cantwell-Bartl

    Psychologist

    I have a speciality in grief and trauma, illness and disability. I have training in psychological debriefing after trauma and in supporting parents and carers. View Profile

    This is a very difficult time for both of you and you will feel a grief over a lifetme for this baby. At the moment you will probably feel very raw.

    The important thing to do is to acknowldge the difficulty of the time for both of you, to recognize that there may be different ways of expressing grief and to listen, be there and to be gentle with each other. In time the gief will not be as intense. If you feel you are both struggling after six months seek some professional help with a psychologist who has an expertize in grief
    Dr Annie Cantwell-Bartl Melbourne

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    Karen Amos

    Counsellor, Personal Trainer

    Walk and Talk is just what you need to begin living a life that you love. I'm Karen Amos and at Walk and Talk Australia … View Profile

    Dr Annie has answered your question beautifully and yes, this is a difficult and sad time in your relationship.  In your question you ask about supporting your wife and Dr Annie is right, listening with care and consideration may be the comfort she seeks.  Within those conversations you may hear blame, anger, deep sadness and sorrow.  These are natural when grieving a loss, including the loss of a baby.

    Something else that may help you is to be aware of your own feelings of loss too.  Regognition of how they are showing up in your day to day will help you to not only understand yourself but also become more empathetic to your wife.  And that will in turn help her.  

    Don't be afraid to seek the assistance of a counsellor or psychologist if either of you feel as if you need more guidance in your situation.  Sometimes, simply hearing confirmation from the outside, that your loss is real, can validate and help you to move through life a little easier.

    Take care and sorry for your loss.

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    Parvin Niknafs

    Midwife

    Parvin is a registered midwife (Medicare Eligible), graduated from the University of Wollongong with a PhD degree in Midwifery. She also undertook her Master’s degree … View Profile

    Losing a baby can be very sad and heartbreaking for both parents. As a father who has lost his child you also need support and assistance. This will put you in a better position to give a helping hand to your wife in recovering from the pain and sorrow that she is dealing with. I would strongly suggest you to be in touch with Sands. This is an organisation where help is offered by the individuals that already lost a child. Men's support line provides phone assistance by trained men for fathers. 

    In terms of how you can help your wife, mothers are different in how they deal with grief. Some may grieve quietly and some may like face to face contact with someone who can listen and have empathy for them. Intoroducing her to local support groups organised by 'Sands' may be a good way to help her. Remeber there is no right or wrong way of grieving. Let her cry or be silent and listen to her talking about her memories with the baby over and over again. The role of a psychologist expert in grief counseling should not be overlooked. Wish you both the best in moving through healing process. 

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  • Parvin Niknafs

    Midwife

    Parvin is a registered midwife (Medicare Eligible), graduated from the University of Wollongong with a PhD degree in Midwifery. She also undertook her Master’s degree … View Profile

    Losing a baby can be very sad and heartbreaking for both parents. As a father who has lost his child you also need support and assistance. This will put you in a better position to give a helping hand to your wife in recovering from the pain and sorrow that she is dealing with. I would strongly suggest you to be in touch with Sands. This is an organisation where help is offered by the individuals that already lost a child. Men's support line provides phone assistance by trained men for fathers.  

    In terms of how you can help your wife, mothers are different in how they deal with grief. Some may grieve quietly and some may like face to face contact with someone who can listen and have empathy for them. Introducing her to local support groups organised by 'Sands' may be a good way to help her. Remember there is no right or wrong way of grieving. Let her cry or be silent and listen to her talking about her memories with the baby over and over again. The role of a psychologist expert in grief counseling should not be overlooked. Wish you both the best in moving through healing process. 

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