Agrees
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There are several important points influencing an answer to this question.
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Counsellor, Credentialled Diabetes Educator (CDE), Diabetes Educator, Psychotherapist, Registered Nurse
Compassionate Friends Victoria has given a very thorough and good answer on this question. I would like to add that if you feel you are not coping with the loss, if you are overwhelmed with grief, it may be useful to seek professional guidance.
Grieving a loss does take time, but time shared is time reduced. Grieving in an “appropriate way” will help speed up the process somewhat.
All the best during this difficult time.
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Clinical Psychologist, Forensic Psychologist, Psychologist
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Counsellor
You will know when it is time to see someone. Bear in mind that you deserve support, and if it comes from a professional it may be the kind of support not found elsewhere.
I lost my brother and my father one month apart. The following weekend my mother in law. I handled it well and did eulogies at three funerals. It was hard but I was lucky I was in a frame of mind that I could get through it.. Some years later I lost my sister and had a lot more trouble. Perhaps because it was an accident and so sudden. I was doing grief and loss at the time in my counselling training and that was a help. If you are finding it hard see a professional.
One man in his 60's lost his wife and did not step out of the house for 18 months. What a shame he did not have someone to help him get unstuck.
Hope this helps.
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Psychologist, Psychotherapist
The comments already offered are relevant and I hope have provided some support.
Loss is part of life; inevitable. One of the things that supports us in any change is connection with others. If you have a stable supportive network then that will help enormously with the grieving process.
Another way to get human support is via counseling or therapy. I would always recommend talking to a potential counsellor on the phone as a part of finding a good ‘match’.
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It depends on the individual experiencing the grief. It can be an invaluable experience talking to someone about the grief. However one needs to be mindful of the person and how much support they have what stage they are at how long ago they experienced the loss.
There is certain evidence that suggests for some people it is important to allow them to grieve in the early stages and not feel or suggest that a few months after the loss of a loved one they should be over it and be able to return to their previous social commitments.
It is also true that some cases of grief prolonged and complicated by other factors can cause depression but it would not be feasible to diagnose depression in someone who lost a spouse of a lifetime and suggest they are depressed if they are stilling sad 6 mnths later.
I would recommend asking and suggesting to the person that is bereaved to talk to someone especially if it is a suicide or sudden death but ultimately there is not one fit answer.
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Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Sex Therapist, Social Worker
Many people find it helpful to discuss bereavement with a professional therapist. Keep in mind that not all therapists, counsellors or psychologists specialise in this area, so it is worth ‘shopping around’ to find someone appropriate. Think about the kind of person you would like to talk with as well. Perhaps their age or gender is important to you. Read their website and consider asking questions before you go ahead and book an appointment. Sharing personal matters can take courage and release emotions, so it can be a good idea to find someone with whom you feel comfortable speaking.
Some therapists focus on ‘letting go’ and coping with loss which is a more traditional approach, at least over the past 50 years. But there is a growing movement amongst therapists around Re-membering Practices: keeping your affiliation to the person who has died, or even choosing what to let go of and what to hold onto. Some would say we can choose the kind of relationship we continue to have with our loved ones after they have died. And it can take some conversations to develop this. Your therapist should be able to work collaboratively with you and work in ways that reflect the significance this person holds for you.
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Counsellor
Grief is experienced differently by different people, and it does depend on previous losses, personality factors, level of resilience, the attachment towards the deceased person, the meaning given towards the loss, and so forth. Given this, it depends on how the grief experience influences your daily functioning and whether it impacts on your social relationships to a significant degree. Approximately 75% of the population can grieve in the normal way and do not need to see a therapist. The remaining 25% may require one session or many sessions of grief therapy, as they may be experiencing, what is known as ‘complex grief’ that hinders progression in life. Generally speaking, it depends on how the grief is impacting on your life and whether you feel that you can come to terms with the grief with the support of friends and family, or whether the issues to moving forward are more complex, such that, with social support, you still require professional help. Good luck!
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